The 'invitation' to tanah suci (finally) came to me in October last year when my sister needed a helper for her trip in March. Frankly speaking, all these years i have either been too afraid or didn't think that i was ready (don't ask me ready for what coz i don't have a clue either) for the journey yet. I am far from being a good muslim - I'm not even close to being even a moderately good one astaghfirullahala'zim. Sesungguhnya aku hambaNya yang amat berdosa. Ya Allah Kau ampunkanlah hamba Mu ini ya Allah. Kau terimalah taubatku ini ya Allah.
For years my parents have been directly and indirectly telling and hinting me to make the trip and my excuse has always been money - not that i don't have any but something else have always taken priority when money is concerned. Duniawi has always superseded akhirat. Something that i now determined to turn 180 degree insyaa Allah.
But this round i didn't have to think twice and offered my service to my sister. Told my other half about it and he agreed to my suggestion instantaneously, alhamdulillah. So we both got the 'invitation' at the same time. What makes it special from the very beginning is that both of us are going at the cost of one. I can't thank my sister enough for the opportunity. The date of the trip too was perfect as it fell in between my menses which means i may be able to perform ibadah without interruption. God is making it easy for me even from the very beginning.
But a couple of months before the trip, my period was earlier than usual. I was getting worried and started praying that i would have the opportunity to perform ibadah till the day i leave Haram. My doa was granted. My period came right after i boarded the plane home. He gave me the opportunity to pray from the minute i stepped down from the plane in Madinah until the last minute i left Jeddah - subuh to isya'. MasyaAllah. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah...
That was only the tip of my special journey. Weeks before the journey, rezeki seems to come from setiap penjuru. Suffice to say suddenly we (my husband and I) received money from unexpected sources like insurances and money we never knew we had in bank to settle a couple of bank debts (quite significant amount i must add) in full just days before we left the country. I still can't comprehend how that is even possible. Ya Allah ya Allah ya Allah. If that is not a show of His greatness i don't know what else.
About a month to departure i started preparing myself for what's coming, physically and mentally. I bought a crosstrainer to train myself to be more fit for the journey in anticipation of the amount of walking i would have to endure and started reading books about umrah and hajj. But no thanks to Mastika (please don't tell me that you have never read this magazine in your teens) the closer it gets to the trip the more scared i get to step into the holy land. To put it simply, i was scared down to the spine (really). Another jemaah in my small group had high fever before departure because she too was too scared to embark on her journey.
So i started praying hard months before the trip. I prayed that my husband and i are accepted as His special guests, that my journey is made easy without hurdle and without dugaan and cabaran that are beyond my ability to pass. I was always reminded that pilgrims are subjected to tests in the holy land - that's my second biggest fear, fear of being tested the hard way. I prayed that I'm subjected lesson instead of tests. Lesson that I can learn from to be a better muslim. My prayers get more intense as the day gets closer particularly a week before. I performed solat taubat and hajat repeatedly repeating the same doa over and over again.
Exactly 2 days before departure my heart was beating so fast (it felt like i was about to seat for SPM all over again) that i decided to take the day off the next day. I just needed to calm down and relax. A day off work did help me (a lot).
We left at the wee hours of wednesday. My 3 elder children were up as early as 5am to bid us goodbye. I have never felt so sad leaving them behind in my entire live. That morning i felt like i was leaving them behind forever. I was really sad beyond comprehension. I kissed each one of them repeatedly and kept telling them that i love them so much. My youngest brother, who was 'summoned' to stay at my house while I'm away, melaungkan azan just when we were about to step out of the house. My heart sank with his beautiful azan. I cried and cried and cried...
Our journey to Madinah via Singapore and Riyadh was relatively easy for me. Strangely enough i wasn't afraid anymore but i was really looking forward to the trip. We reached Madinah at the wee hours the following day. I cried the minute i saw bird view of masjidil nabawi on board Saudia Airline and continued on after i landed. I was finally there, in the home of Rasulullah swt. Madinah was very welcoming - the weather was nice and the people there were friendly. I can feel the warmth of the people of Madinah welcoming Rasulullah swt during his hijrah. In Madinah I was called Siti Rahmah, ibu, Siti Humairah and hajjah by the locals. I love hajjah the most. In Makkah, men are called hajji and ladies hajjah. May God grant me hajj soon.
Breathtaking views of Masjidil Nabawi
In Madinah, i experienced the power of doa and tawakkal. Our group is very small, there were only 11 of us including me. Hence, I did a lot of things on my own in Madinah. There i learned if one is sincere, pray hard and niat bersungguh2 insyaa Allah, Allah will make it easy for you. Setiap sesuatu mesti di dahulukan dengan niat. One example, He granted my wish to visit and pray in Raudhah so easily. My hubby was also 'given' the same opportunity, not once but twice. His was even more special. Alhamdulillah.
Both my hubby and i were helped by indonesians while in Masjidil Nabawi on a few occasions. He said perhaps because we have been treating our maid well and Allah sent indonesians to assist us when we least expected it. You give and you shall receive - that's His promise. I was lucky to have experienced it. Subhanallah.
Bidding goodbye to Rasullullah was hard. I never thought that ziarah wida' would be that hard emotionally. I was sad to leave Madinah.
The first time i saw Baitullah masyaAllah i cant really described how i felt, but i can say that i felt and still very much feel 'sayang yang teramat sangat' towards it. How can one have such feeling is beyond us - tidak sampai dek akal manusia. Alhamdulillah in Makkah it was relatively easy for us. None of us in the group were subjected to any dugaan besar, we were all healthy and judging from the way we ate I'm 100% sure all of us gained a few good kilos, alhamdulillah. A seasoned member in our group said that it's a good sign to have good appetite during ziarah and umrah.
My first view of Baitullah
But I must say that umrah is not a piece of cake for everyone. It is physically straining and challenging. Hundreds of thousands (if not million) of people are also doing the same thing while fighting for space. My husband jokingly said Allah sent Indians to Makkah to test the rest of us. You have to be there to understand his statement.
The amount of people performing sae
I never walked that much in my life. It is really a test of your endurance, patient and determination. And every umrah experience is different, one could be fulfilling, makes you feel closer to God and it could just even be just a tiring experience. My second and seventh umrah were the most fulfilling of them all. I cried right from the beginning all the way to the end. The feeling of praying in front of the Kaabah is like no other. It's out of this world. It's beyond words, explanation and imagination. I cried buckets (big buckets i must say) in Makkah. Nikmat bersolat dan berdoa di hadapan Baitullah is unexplainable.
My husband too was blessed with several experiences that taught us both tanda-tanda kebesaran Allah. There, everything you say and do would have its repercussion, its cause and effect, almost immediately. Most importantly, what we do there must be sincere, everything that happened there is a test of our patient and ultimately faith.
Alhamdulillah my husband and I achieved all the targets we set. My husband specifically asked not to speak about what we went through both in Madinah and Makkah unless we were asked about it. He doesn't want us to sound riak and boastful, hence i will respect his request.
The day i had to say goodbye to Kaabah, while performing tawaf wida' was the saddest day of my life. I felt like i was leaving something that i hold so dear to my heart behind. I cried another big bucket. One can say 'menangis macam kematian ibu'. The feeling of lost is unspeakable.
I'm certain that everyone would have a different experience and stories to tell. For me, my journey is one that strengthen my faith. I have never feared the fire of hell as much as i did when i was there. My journey was one that - mensucikan hati dan penuh keinsafan.
My doa is that this would not be my last visit, not my last umrah, not the last prayer in front of Baitullah, not the last invitation from Him.
I miss Baitullah already...
Us with jamals
Us at Jabal Rahmah
Us at Masjidil Nabawi
Us just before umrah no. 4
Moi the saudagar unta
Azura Abdullah4 March 2013
6am Jeddah time
