Dinner @Il Divo

On Saturday nite, albeit my lack of mood to celebrate my anniversary, my hubby and I went to Il Divo Ristorante Italiano at Jalan Nibong off Jalang Ampang. I was not in my best frame of mind just hours before the dinner but then I thought, I am not the only person celebrating this anniversary. Why should I make this a solemn affair for my hubby too? That’s quite unfair for him kan... Hence, I forced my lazy butt off the bed, took a quick shower, got ready in record time and off we went to Ildivo.

Thank God that I did. The food was fantastic, love it, love it, love it! We were even greeted by the owner, the bubbly Vincenzo who did his best to chat with all his customers and recommended the yummylicious entrées upon request. I am a sucker for this kind of personal treatment, hence I had a lovely time there. If you are looking for authentic Italian cuisine, this is definitely the place to be. Take my word for it!

Vincenzo...

An open letter to my children

I’m celebrating my 16th anniversary tomorrow. Time flies so darn fast that I still feel that it was only recently that I celebrated my 15th. It was almost like a blink of an eye another year has passed us by.

With the recent passing of my eldest brother, I am really not in the mood for celebration – zilch, none whatsoever. My thought goes especially to my young nieces and nephews who just lost their father. All my life, orphans always have a special place in my heart. It breaks my heart into pieces thinking of young children of my own children’s age growing up without the love and attention from both their parents.

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, maksudnya: "Sebaik-baik rumah kaum muslimin ialah rumah yang ada anak yatim yang diasuh dengan baik dan sejahat-jahat rumah kaum muslimin adalah rumah yang ada anak yatim yang selalu diganggu dan disakiti hatinya." Riwayat Ibnu Majah.

Therefore, instead of writing and brag about how I celebrate my anniversary, I’ve decided to write an open letter to my kids for a change. So kiddos here it goes...

My dearest children,

Tomorrow marks the 16th anniversary of my union with your Papa. 19 years ago I met a man, the love of my life, whom I know will be a great father to my children, a partner for life and a companion during good and bad times. The man you call Papa today, who has been providing for us selflessly, who has sacrificed his youth to be a wonderful father and a husband he is today. Only God knows how much I love your Papa - the man who came into my life, swept me off my feet and changed my life forever. I could not find a word to describe my love for him.

Papa and I married at a very young age, we were both only 22. It was our destiny to marry and start a family quite early in life. Never once I regretted my decision and I’m certain that all of you could see that too. Unfortunately I have shattered many hearts along the process, and for that I could only hope that they could find it in their hearts to forgive me.

Papa and I spent our youth together as husband and wife. We ‘grew up’ together being clueless parents when we first had Daniel – our "chubby little alien" as Papa called you when he first saw you. He nursed me when I was recuperating from labour, cook, bathed you, washed and even fed you at night because he wanted me to have enough rest. He did all these while he was still finishing his Engineering degree and working part time to support the 3 of us. He did that without complaining, not even a word! Daniel, remember that. Remember the sacrifices your Papa had done for us. I know I can never repay him for what he had done for me. And remember that you will always be the little chubby boy that we fell in love with.

It took us 5 years to finally be ready to welcome a new addition to our family. Kyle, you arrived just when we felt that we were matured enough to be parents. The first thing Papa said about you was “he’s so hairy” and indeed you were (you still are and you will always be. It's a gift!). Having 2 kids was a whole new experience for us. It was so testing at the beginning that we almost lost it. But together Papa and I learned to be better parents. It was an adventurous ride for all of us. The little short tempered toddler will forever have a special place in my heart.

Nana’s arrival was a joy to us. I remember vividly what Papa said to me when he first saw you in the labour room “she has your chin”, he said. Of all the strong features you inherited from me he noticed that first. You will always be Papa’s little girl. And I know, you will always remind him of me because we look so alike. Alhamdulillah, like my mom always said to me, “setiap anak ada rezeki masing-masing”, as I continue my journey into my midlife together with Papa with more kids in tow, more rezeki seems to come our way.

Sophie was our last chance at being ‘young’ again, having a baby always make me feel young at heart somehow. When we first did the 4D ultrasound scan Papa said that you inherited my best feature – my nose, which I begged to differ. And guess what, I was right, you have your Abang Dan's nose. Sophie, having you was not without its complications, starting from my early pregnancy till after you were delivered. I am sure all of you can’t remember or even understood how I struggled throughout and right after my pregnancy. Dugaan Tuhan comes in so many ways children, remember that. Sophie is always special – you’re the heartbeat of our family.

Daniel, Kyle, Nana & Sophie, each of you are special and extraordinary in your own ways. You are the results of our undying love and hope. You are us.

One day, I hope you will find your soul mate, just like Papa and I did...

To my sons, I hope you will find someone who will not put her interest above you and who will always look at you and treat you with much respect you deserve. In return, I want you to not take her for granted, provide for her responsibly, treat her deservedly and love her with all your hearts. Remember that.

To my daughters, I hope and I pray that you will find a man who will take good care of you, provide you with undying love and allow you to be what you aspire to be in life. No man should ever take that away from you, you can be what you want to be, remember that. In return, I want you to be a dutiful wife, treat him with respect he deserves and not put your interest above his. He is your imam. Remember that.

In the last 16 years, your Papa has given everything that I deserve and need. He has never once let me down. And for that I’m thankful. He is my imam, my guide, my everything. In return, I hope that I have given him what he deserved and hoped for in a wife and a companion. But I also know that I can’t run away from mistakes. I could only hope that he could find it in his heart to forgive me of my shortcomings.

When I breathe my last breath, I want all four of you to take good care of him. Remember all the sacrifices he has made for the family. Love him with your life. If you could do that for me, I know that I have brought you up well and that I have succeeded as a mother.

My children, I’ve never asked for a gift from you but on my 16th anniversary, I am asking for these 2 gifts:

1. Islam is our religion, Allah is our God, Nabi Muhammad is His Messenger, Kaabah is our qiblat – REMEMBER that, never ever forget that. Jadilah anak-anak yang beriman dan beramal soleh, it’s the best give you could ever give to me and Papa. Your iman will dictate and lead your every action, insyaAllah.

2. Education will take you places. Jadilah orang-orang yang berilmu. Knowledge is power and it’s the best investment in life. Never let other people lead you to think otherwise. Papa and I may never leave you with mountains of money, but I know with the gift of education, you will find your way. Just like Papa and I did. REMEMBER that.

If you can deliver these two gifts to me and Papa, our job as parents is complete. I am only asking for these two gifts, nothing more nothing less, and you have the rest of your life to deliver them.

All four of you - Daniel, Kyle, Nana and Sophie - are the greatest gift Allah has given upon us. And for that I am thankful, Alhamdulillah. I love each and everyone of you with all my heart and soul.

I’m also thankful for another great gift, the wonderful husband that Allah has sent upon me. Sayang, YOU ARE MY LIFE. Happy 16th anniversary.


Love,
Momma
16 July 2010

Freedom of speech, at last!

With glokalmama opens to only selected readers I can bitch (although I never was but I aspire to be one, bole ka?) whatever I want without inviting negative comments and hopefully without hurting others’ feeling unnecessarily too. At first, I thought of stop blogging altogether but then on second thought, why should I? This is a free country and this blog is my kingdom of speech.

Life as I see it may be different from how you see it. Each of us has our own subjective interpretation of life and the happenings around us. If we all see it from the same angle, then life won’t be so colourful anymore; it’ll be mundane and monotonous. I have made mistakes in the past – I have admitted them, I have apologized and it’s time for me to move on to the next level. One setback should not stop me from doing what I love best, in this case writing my heart out.

This day in time where transparency is the buzz word, one should not be too transparent (except for the govt of course!). I came to find that strangers are getting too much info about me, my family and my life. When I get comments from people I hardly know about my routine, it starts to worry me about the amount of information I am revealing to the masses. That's another reason why I'm turning Life as I See It into a private blog.

I’ll keep writing in my kingdom for as long as I have the passion to do so. Those that I invited as readers are family and friends that I know will NOT judge me from my writing. Only God knows how much I appreciate your supports. Keep visiting this space for more updates. I love you all muahhhhs!!!

Re-evaluating my purpose

In the course of our lives we’ll come across scores of life-changing events...you lost a family member, Germany didn’t make it to the final, an octopus becomes a centre of attention, you make new friends, you hurt other’s feeling, you learned new skills, etc., etc. All these make you a better person – you learn to cope with lost, you move on, you learn to forgive and forget, you learn from your mistakes, you appreciate finer things in life and the people around you more.

Of late, I noticed that there are a growing number of readers of my silly ramblings. The blog that was originally created as an avenue for me to express my thoughts and observations in writing (whilst keeping me insane being a full time mom – owh yes, being a full time mom can turn you temporarily insane I tell ya!), was not intended for mass viewing. But one thing leads to another the readership seems to grow. Over the course of exactly 17 months since the inception of Life as I See It, I may have hurt some friends and family’s feeling and have invaded their privacy unintentionally. To those I’ve unintentionally offended, please accept my sincere apologies.

Therefore, I have decided to take some time off to re-evaluate the purpose of having this blog altogether and the point of putting everything that crossed my tiny little brain in writing. Being out of job for a long time could have shrunk my brain to the size of a peanut. In the meantime, I’d need to find other creative outlets to keep my sanity intact.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all readers for your feedback and comments verbally or otherwise. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys have been great supporters of Glokalmama.

Glokalmama is signing off, indefinitely.

Al-fatihah buat abangku

On the 4th of July 2010 I lost a sibling. My eldest brother passed away suddenly at 8pm leaving behind 3 children from his first marriage and 4 young children from his second marriage. He was diabetic and died of heart failure. He would have turned 49 in December. The mystery shrouding my futile attempts at making holiday reservation has been answered. God works in mysterious way indeed.

When I was informed of his passing I actually didn’t know how to react. I took me longer than usual to pack as we were rushing back to my hometown. At one point I was just standing in my closet not knowing what to do or what to pack. I just stared at the nicely folded clothes in my closet. My only thought was “so this is how it feels to lose a sibling”. I was kinda numb on the inside. I was still numb even after reached his home in the wee hours and as I recited surah yasin next to his motionless body. Perhaps the thought of not seeing him again hasn't kicked in yet.

It was only after they carried his body away for mandi jenazah in the morning that it finally hit me that I will not see him ever again. Only then I started crying uncontrollably. Watching his 3 grown sons performing their last duties to their father - carrying his heavily built body, memandikan jenazah & kafan - with tears running down their faces made it even harder to watch. Saying goodbye is certainly not easy especially when you know that you’ll never see the person again.

I don’t have many happy memories with him but I will always remember the last kiss I gave him – a kiss on his cold forehead and cheeks. It was the first and the last sisterly kiss I ever gave him as an adult. I was fighting back my tears as I bent down to reach him. He looked so calm, even calmer than when he was still alive. His cheek was still soft.

Strangely enough, a few weeks leading to his sudden death, he told his wife to bury him next to my grandfather. Hence, sembahyang jenazah was done twice at my father's request. The first one was led by my father at the masjid near our house and another at the masjid where he asked to be buried, led by my granduncle. I can’t even imagine how my abah felt menyembahyangkan his own son. It must be hard for him sending his son away before him.

Semoga Allah s.w.t. mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh allahyarham dan digolongkan beliau di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin, amin, ya robbala’lamin...

Al-fatihah buat abangku
Azman bin Abdullah
1961 - 2010

Kisah benar

The following conversation took place less than an hour ago. A mother was trying to convince her young daughter to join Speech&Drama class at her kindergarten. The daughter on the other hand, was trying all her best to avoid having to join the class using a rather interesting excuse...

Momma: Why didn’t you want to join the Drama & Speech class?

Daughter: I don’t like the class. They only play. I want to learn, I don’t like playing!
[A little hard to believe isn’t it? Remember this comes from a 5+ year old girl]

Momma: But that’s how you learn. You learn drama by acting out.

Daughter: I don’t need to act. I have my own imagination. I don’t like pirates or anything, I have my own i-m-a-g-i-n-a-t-i-o-n.
[I can’t believe that my kindy goer kid just told me that she only needs her imagination and attending drama class is such a waste of time]

That’s a day in my life. My kids just know how to counter attack with their big words. And this is not an isolated incident, it happens every day with my other kids too. Where do they learn to reason in such logical manners? It bits me...

I say kids today learn at an accelerated rate. At the age of 6, we were still playing chase and run with boys outdoor, today our daughters are already reading books and wearing bling bling at 6...all thanks to the idiot box.

A girl just can't have everything

When you want something so bad and you can’t have it, it tears your heart apart terribly. I’ve been longing for a getaway with my soon to be hubby of 16 years to celebrate our anniversary this month but somehow things seem to be falling out of place. Reservations didn’t get through after so many futile attempts and lotsa other things came into the picture. It’s as though God is telling us not to go. It breaks my heart to finally tell my husband that we should just forget about it. Only God knows how I felt when I told him that over the phone just moments ago...with tears running down my face no less (emo pulak ahkak petang ni ek...ishhhh).

I’m trying to see this in a positive light. Perhaps my little baby is not ready for the short separation yet (she is still breastfeeding by the way) or maybe the Almighty has better plans for me...I don’t know. I was even ready to wean my 21 months old daughter off breastfeeding because of this trip. But a girl just can’t have everything she wants huh? God works in mysterious way indeed...

These days temptations are everywhere too. It’s too hard to just ignore them. The minutes you log on to FB you are bombarded with photos of handbags, apparels, shoes and even pottery for sale. Every day I see LV, Gucci, Prada and the likes in my face! For someone who doesn’t have a steady income like moi and have to depend on handouts from my significant other, this is certainly not healthy. It’s sickening, absurd and it’s driving me nuts every day...grrrrrrr. To make matters worse these people (the FB entrepreneurs) keep adding me as friend and I keep accepting their friend request. Mati lor makin lama makin banyak temptations!

The only thing that comes between me and the things that I want is a full time job. I need one so badly right now. But due to my own strict prerequisite, a good job is hard to come by. I am looking for a job that is not too demanding (I had my share of overly demanding jobs in the past, so I’m done with that), a work place that’s just a stone throw away from home (so that I could sneak home in between breaks to check on the kids and get home in time in the event of emergency) and a good pay (a less demanding job with a good pay? I must be joking!!!). That left me with very little choice. In fact to date I haven’t found one yet...LOL! I considered lecturing as an option but sadly I don’t have a master degree, therefore it’s not an option anymore. I have over 14 years of invaluable experience and priceless knowledge that I could share with the young generation...but too bad I don't have a post-grad degree huh?

My so called freelance job has not been very kind to me lately. To put it simply, I have enough money for a lovely Mahina (don't play play arrr) but it’s just not in my hand yet *sigh*. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, buka lah hati-hati mereka yang berhutang denganku untuk membayar hutang mereka...amin.

I say beggars can’t be choosers. We must be grateful with what He has given us. Bersyukur dengan ketentuan-Nya and insyaAllah better things will come our way...wallahuwa’lam.