One of my ex-colleagues had just delivered her first baby about a month ago. However, instead of enjoying motherhood for the first time with her bundle of joy, she is said to be experiencing post partum depression coping with her newborn that seems to cry non-stop. Been there, done that…
Of late, my husband has been going around preaching to his friends and colleagues that they should get their wives to quit their jobs if they wish to have ‘happy’ babies. We have 2 children born when I was not working and 2 when I was working full time. I guess this fact does make us credible when it comes to this recommendation. We make a good case study.
Case 1: Daniel was conceived during my last semester at Purdue. I was 5 months pregnant when I graduated. I didn’t start working until he was about 10months old. Notwithstanding the 1 month of crying due to colic, he was a really happy baby. Smiled/laughed a lot and was really easy to care for despite my lack of experience with babies. Always a healthy child and never been admitted to a hospital.
Case 2: Kyle Harris was born when I was still attached with the first company that I worked for. A company full with a bunch of not-so-highly educate but long serving men. It was so darn hard dealing with those chauvinists. In short, I wasn’t a happy pregnant woman then. Harris was born with a major tantrum from day 1 till this very day. He was also born with a congenital eye problem which still troubles him till today.
Case 3: Ariana Suraya was conceived when I was working under the toughest boss ever on top of an unbelievably busy working schedule and quite a long distance travelling to and fro work (not to mention the heavy traffic jam!). I was really miserable when I was pregnant with her. She was born a cry baby (she cried for the first 2 months non-stop) and seldom smiled/laugh when she was a baby. She always looked sad when she was a baby up until she turned 1. She could easily fall sick and has been in and out of hospital because of her asthma problem.
Case 4: After we conceived Sophie, I decided to quit my job. I wanted to have a stress free pregnancy since my husband could support the family without my income (which was peanut by the way). I quit just before I entered into my 3rd trimester (wanted to leave earlier but decided to finish a project that I started before leaving for good – so the last 3 months on the job was relatively stress free). It was the best decision I’ve ever made. Sophia Amani was born a happy baby. She loves to smile and laugh, easy to handle and such a joy to our family. Never had a major cry episode since day 1. She seldom falls sick too. In a nutshell, she is the best baby we’ve ever had.
Given the scenarios, I strongly believe what mothers experience and sense throughout her pregnancy, particularly in the third trimester when the baby’s brain cells are developing rapidly, is crucial for the baby’s wellbeing and character. Babies feel what their mothers go through every day – anguish, frustration, sad, content, merry, etc. etc. And I believe that these emotions affect the babies’ mood even in the womb itself. I think the above cases speak for themselves.
In my own experience, I also believe it influences their intellect too. Two of my children who were born when I was experiencing stress free pregnancy seem to be smarter (at least at their infancy stage). The one that was born when I was under tremendous pressure seems to have the lowest IQ (based on my observation – again, this is during their formative years).
If these were true, I feel bad for my two kids. Salahkah ibu mengandung?
Nevertheless, arguably it could simply be a coincidence (or destiny)… One thing for sure Allah knows best, wallahuwa’alam…
Given a choice, if my husband's income alone can support the family, I would quit my job 24 hours. But that's not the situation.
ReplyDeletePost-partum depression occurs if the new mom doesnt get enough support especially from the husband. In the 2 months of recovery (dalam pantang), that's when we become most vulnerable, sensitive, emotional etc. Especially if the baby is suffering from colic.
I believe that the husband should play a role too, instead of putting the whole responsibility on wifey's shoulder. Some husbands, bila anak berak, serah kat mak, malam-malam berkeruh takmo bangun tolong buat susu, atau tukar diapers.. basuh baju takmo.. bagi anak makan takmo.. bila nak main kejap2 je baru ingat anak, otherwise, semua kat wifey.. that's unfair, IMHO.
Nak suruh wifey berhenti kerja senang, but kena tengok ekonomi rumahtangga macam mana.. nanti tak pasal, the husband kena buat part time job, and lesser time to spend with family.. lagi haru!
Nice of you to drop by Ida. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more with you that post partum depression is a result of lack of support from the family unit esp. the father. In my case, when I gave birth to my 3rd child, my husband was travelling overseas extensively for work. She had severe colic for the two months I was in confinement. Whenever my husband was around he would help me cuddle and carry her around the house sometimes for the entire night even when he had to go to work the next day. I wrote about my experience in one of my previous entries.
I agree with your comment about some husbands yang malas tolong the wifey. Those yang dapat the rajin ones are lucky. Alhamdulillah my husband falls in the rajin category :)
Quitting your full time job requires a lot of sacrifices. While it is true that the husband need to bring home enough moolah to support the family, mom needs to prepare herself for what's coming too. I can tell you after being a full time mom for a year, it's not as easy as you think. Rasa macam lost after a while...Tuhan saja yang tau. Haru biru!