Lost in transition

Phewww...I can’t tell ya how big of a relief I felt today after a chat with my daughter’s teacher. She doesn’t have any learning disability whatsoever lah...too much dramalah this momma! It’s just that her interest is different from other kids – she excels in math (the teacher seems very impressed with Ariana’s ability in the subject) and arts – the total opposite of me! I hate math and arts, and like literature more. More like her daddy lah in this case. I was also told that she is very focus and put a lot of efforts in class.

Why can’t she be like that at home? This confirms my suspicion that she is showing symptoms of middle child syndrome. Alamak, 2 children in the family with the same problem...penat la momma ini macam! When Kyle was going through the same phase years back (and still is till this very day), he became very aggressive, threw tantrum, like to destroy stuff but very clingy at the same time. He still is very manja even though he looks so tough on the outside. Now with Ariana, she becomes super clingy yet very distance from my hubby & I, and refusing to learn at home or even showing that she is interested in learning for that matter. She wants us to spend more time with her by showing that she is clueless and hence needs extra help. Two kids, two sets of different symptoms and one unique problem – seeking attention the negative way.

The latest casualty of middle child syndrome...Miss Ariana Suraya


How do we overcome this problem? As a mother of 4, I admit that it is difficult to pay enough attention to all four kids equally (doesn’t this make you ponder how it is with men with four wives? *hairan tapi tak kagum walau sepuluh sen*). The youngest naturally needs more attention than the rest especially at her tender age (more so when she is still breastfeeding), the eldest would have outgrown his dependency towards his parents, but the 2 in the middle are like lost in transition. I tried my best to pay lots of attention to these 2 kids in the middle, but sometimes as a normal human being, my patience runs thin too. I have so much to offer but so little time for all four. How lah...?

When I was 7 years old and my mom gave birth to my brother, I felt like my presence in the family was significantly reduced to just another child. I was no longer ‘significant’. Perhaps that is how my 2 middle kids are experiencing; they feel like their place in the family is somehow threatened with the presence of younger siblings. But, in my case I didn’t try to seek attention the negative way, instead I did it the other way around – positive all the way. I excelled at school so that my parents would be proud of me, and they did (I hope so!!).

I say this again, having more than 2 kids is a lot more complicated and complex than people think it is. It may not be so 30 years ago, but these days in time it matters more. Perhaps it's time for me to practice what psychologists prescribed, take one kid at a time and spend quality time instead of quantity. Kyle and Nana, here comes momma!