How would you respond if one of your kids said that you are not being fair to him? It’s kind of hard isn’t it? I’ve written in many of my posts before that my kids are always fighting for attention (not that they have lack of it!) to be mama’s and papa’s favourite. Even my eldest son who will be 14 this year still yearn to be the favourite. He would compare how we treat his younger siblings to him. And mind you, he is not shy about voicing it up all the time.
Naturally, as parents, we would give more attention to the younger kids. We assume by being younger, they need more attention and guidance. We also assume that the eldest child could take care of him/herself and is more independent in every aspect merely because of the fact that they are older. Is it right to make this assumption?
Two days ago, there was no electricity in my area. We were notified by TNB of the power outage a couple of weeks in advance. Hence, we have enough time to plan for the necessary. My idea of planning for the necessary was (1) no need to prepare lunch (yuhoooo!!) (2) leave for the mall as soon as possible.
Being pampered with fans, aircond and TV all our lives, 6 hours without electricity sounds so frightening to me. So after I sent Kyle Harris off to school and picked up Daniel from school, I took my maid, Sophie, Ariana and Daniel to the mall. We spend a good 3+ hours at 1Utama, shopping and dining. [Note to my husband: Honey, please blame TNB for the AMEX bills you’re about to get this month. It wasn’t my fault, what is there to do in a mall but to shop and eat?]
Before we head home, I wanted to pack some sandwiches for my second son for dinner. His favourite sandwich, which I normally get from Starbuck was out. So I was looking high and low for a good and healthy sandwich for him. At that point Daniel suggested that I don’t get any for his brother. He claimed that I never went to this extend for him, i.e. bought him stuff should he was left at home/school (which of course not true).
This brings me back to my point, how do you respond to this type of complaint? I was explaining to him how he used to get all our attention up to the age of 5 before he has any sibling. Now is the time for his siblings to get the attention they deserve at their age. Kids being kids, he couldn’t accept it. He still feels that we love him less.
That got me thinking, is there such thing as ‘first child syndrome’? Does first child feel less loved by parents when he/she has siblings? I know for a fact that middle child syndrome existed. Children suffering from this are normally rebellious and temperamental. You have to be extremely patient with them otherwise you’ll lose your cool too. They could be quite distant yet superbly manja. What about first child syndrome then - insecure, pushy, clingy? I have yet to master this syndrome and derive a formula to tackle it. When (and if) I do, I think I could write a book on this.
I say it’s not easy raising more than one kids…it's mentally exhausting.
It's exhausting raising a kid! Hehe. I love my daughter but she wears me down sometimes and brings the worst in me. sigh
ReplyDeleteI dunno abt first kid syndrome but my elder bro was(is) like tht, so he tried to get everything materially for him. He got the most I think, also more beating too. And my little bro, just the virtue of being the youngest one and better of parents got more than us when we were his age. And the middle kid like me often "forgotten" or assumed OK
I think tht's life. It isn't always fair and square.
Keep reminding Daniel tht he's love and will always be your fave first son.
Mid, thanks for the feedback. Being a middle child myself too, I try not to 'forget' Harris. He is the one that always brings out the worst in me and my husband.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to your elder brother, Daniel always fight for more, material-wise.
Ariana always want to do things her way.
It makes one wonders what it feels to have lots more kids eh? I don't think I can survive having more than 4. You should try for more. I guarantee you it'll be a more exciting and exhausting journey.