After 1yr and 7months of my attempt at being a full time mom, I finally came to a conclusion that I am not made to be one. I didn't make the cut...I failed terribly.
Over the last couple of weeks I have once again experienced the withdrawal symptoms. I feel lethargic, lack of interest to do just about anything, lazy to the max and actually been spending less time with the kids. I couldn’t sleep at night too. All I did the whole day was sit in front of my computer and take a nap the whole evening. I didn’t leave the house except for picking up Ariana from school (my hubby send her off to school everyday). My other kids take the bus to school. Even when my house is running out of provisions, I couldn’t care less. I’m just too lazy to go out and face the world. My fridge is almost empty to tell you the truth. Yesterday, I found 2 cans of tuna in my pantry, a can of stewed tomato and spaghetti and made do with it for lunch. Add the 3 ingredients and some dried herb and voila...tuna spaghetti for lunch. Dinners have been either take-out or eat out in the last week. Moi sudah meroyan tahap gaban! Helpppp!!!
Sometimes I envy my friends who have the tenacity to be a full time mom. They enjoy being one to the fullest, while I suck big time at it. I just don’t have what it takes to be one. This is what more than a decade of slaving yourself at work can do to you. It has taken the life out of you but you missed it when you don’t. I hate this feeling...
To combat this feeling, I’ve been keeping myself busy looking at vacancies ad these few days. Found a couple of positions that suit my line of work, however my resume is only half complete...sigh! Will I ever complete it? It bits me...perhaps I need a carrot (or a stick kot!) to get me going at full speed. Weird isn't it? Mau kerja but at the same time malas terlampau!
Something is definitely wrong with me...I hope it’s only PMS and not something more serious...hmmmm. I say thank God for blogging, it has been keeping me sane all this time...pheww!
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