On the 4th of July 2010 I lost a sibling. My eldest brother passed away suddenly at 8pm leaving behind 3 children from his first marriage and 4 young children from his second marriage. He was diabetic and died of heart failure. He would have turned 49 in December. The mystery shrouding my futile attempts at making holiday reservation has been answered. God works in mysterious way indeed.
When I was informed of his passing I actually didn’t know how to react. I took me longer than usual to pack as we were rushing back to my hometown. At one point I was just standing in my closet not knowing what to do or what to pack. I just stared at the nicely folded clothes in my closet. My only thought was “so this is how it feels to lose a sibling”. I was kinda numb on the inside. I was still numb even after reached his home in the wee hours and as I recited surah yasin next to his motionless body. Perhaps the thought of not seeing him again hasn't kicked in yet.
It was only after they carried his body away for mandi jenazah in the morning that it finally hit me that I will not see him ever again. Only then I started crying uncontrollably. Watching his 3 grown sons performing their last duties to their father - carrying his heavily built body, memandikan jenazah & kafan - with tears running down their faces made it even harder to watch. Saying goodbye is certainly not easy especially when you know that you’ll never see the person again.
I don’t have many happy memories with him but I will always remember the last kiss I gave him – a kiss on his cold forehead and cheeks. It was the first and the last sisterly kiss I ever gave him as an adult. I was fighting back my tears as I bent down to reach him. He looked so calm, even calmer than when he was still alive. His cheek was still soft.
Strangely enough, a few weeks leading to his sudden death, he told his wife to bury him next to my grandfather. Hence, sembahyang jenazah was done twice at my father's request. The first one was led by my father at the masjid near our house and another at the masjid where he asked to be buried, led by my granduncle. I can’t even imagine how my abah felt menyembahyangkan his own son. It must be hard for him sending his son away before him.
Semoga Allah s.w.t. mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh allahyarham dan digolongkan beliau di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin, amin, ya robbala’lamin...
Al-fatihah buat abangku
Azman bin Abdullah
1961 - 2010
Al-Fatihah. Takziah to ur family
ReplyDeleteThanks Nae.
ReplyDeleteal Fatihah utk arwah. it must be difficult for you and familt tapi, setiap yang hidup pasti mati. itu janji Allah. He is at a better place.
ReplyDeletehugs
Thanks Wan. As difficult as it may seem, kami redha dengan pemergiannya...He is at a better place, insyaAllah.
ReplyDeleteI guess the feeling of loosing a love ones, being it a sibling, a parent, a husband/wife, son/daughter, is beyond anything. I lost my dad 1 May 2012 and was not able to attend his 'pengkebumian', but i was there hours later. I was calm at the kubur everyday of my stay in Ipoh (2 weeks) reciting surah Yassin, however, the moment i boarded a bus to LCCT from Ipoh, i cried and cried and cried and cried...and until now each time i talk about his passing, or each time i think of him, tears will be running down my cheeks. I miss my abah. (Sob! Sob! Sob!)
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