When you want something so bad and you can’t have it, it tears your heart apart terribly. I’ve been longing for a getaway with my soon to be hubby of 16 years to celebrate our anniversary this month but somehow things seem to be falling out of place. Reservations didn’t get through after so many futile attempts and lotsa other things came into the picture. It’s as though God is telling us not to go. It breaks my heart to finally tell my husband that we should just forget about it. Only God knows how I felt when I told him that over the phone just moments ago...with tears running down my face no less (emo pulak ahkak petang ni ek...ishhhh).
I’m trying to see this in a positive light. Perhaps my little baby is not ready for the short separation yet (she is still breastfeeding by the way) or maybe the Almighty has better plans for me...I don’t know. I was even ready to wean my 21 months old daughter off breastfeeding because of this trip. But a girl just can’t have everything she wants huh? God works in mysterious way indeed...
These days temptations are everywhere too. It’s too hard to just ignore them. The minutes you log on to FB you are bombarded with photos of handbags, apparels, shoes and even pottery for sale. Every day I see LV, Gucci, Prada and the likes in my face! For someone who doesn’t have a steady income like moi and have to depend on handouts from my significant other, this is certainly not healthy. It’s sickening, absurd and it’s driving me nuts every day...grrrrrrr. To make matters worse these people (the FB entrepreneurs) keep adding me as friend and I keep accepting their friend request. Mati lor makin lama makin banyak temptations!
The only thing that comes between me and the things that I want is a full time job. I need one so badly right now. But due to my own strict prerequisite, a good job is hard to come by. I am looking for a job that is not too demanding (I had my share of overly demanding jobs in the past, so I’m done with that), a work place that’s just a stone throw away from home (so that I could sneak home in between breaks to check on the kids and get home in time in the event of emergency) and a good pay (a less demanding job with a good pay? I must be joking!!!). That left me with very little choice. In fact to date I haven’t found one yet...LOL! I considered lecturing as an option but sadly I don’t have a master degree, therefore it’s not an option anymore. I have over 14 years of invaluable experience and priceless knowledge that I could share with the young generation...but too bad I don't have a post-grad degree huh?
My so called freelance job has not been very kind to me lately. To put it simply, I have enough money for a lovely Mahina (don't play play arrr) but it’s just not in my hand yet *sigh*. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, buka lah hati-hati mereka yang berhutang denganku untuk membayar hutang mereka...amin.
I say beggars can’t be choosers. We must be grateful with what He has given us. Bersyukur dengan ketentuan-Nya and insyaAllah better things will come our way...wallahuwa’lam.
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